By likemindblog

…OF LIFE AND LEGENDS…….Being married to a famous musician does, I suppose, take a special kind of woman  with a very strong character and sense of self-worth.   Ingrid Pastorius was kind enough to share her thoughts with us about her love of music, her love of life, her family, her feelings.  Her experience as the wife of Jaco Pastorius, as the mother to their two sons, allows her to advise other women in similar situations.   Ingrid has a wonderful philosophy and a very gentle heart.  Here is what she has to say in answer to some of my questions.

Music is my life, it’s like breathing, something that feels good, and I am super grateful for.  Music is part of most people’s lives, a child is born with an innate affinity to respond and move to music.  It then depends on what we are exposed to along the way. My father was a jazz musician when he met my Mom, played drums, sax, and clarinet, but then got his engineering degree so he could marry her and raise kids on a “real” salary.  My brother Paul followed in his footsteps and has been a musician since he was 21, he participated in the Word Of Mouth and Birthday Concert recordings, and is currently a San Diego musician as well as a teacher.  My brother Peter is a revolutionary linguist, artistically and culturally.

It is also what brought me to meet Jaco, though he claimed he saw me long before officially meeting, during a flight between NY and FLL when I was a flight attendant for EAL.  Fort Lauderdale was more intimate in the 70’s, there was a lot of great music going on, mostly the same crowd hung at the clubs, and since my brother was a local musician, he would let me know of things happening around town.Ingrid300x250

No question having been married to Jaco broadened my spectrum and understanding of music, and its business.  By being around Jaco I learned to appreciate music from a completely new perspective, and now having sons who are musicians, my life is even more saturated and music is simply an integral part of my being. Which obviously has brought me in touch with individuals such as you, Michele Andree, who share the musical passion and appreciation of musicians, and in your case also the expression there of.

As strange as this might sound, the reason my life with Jaco began is because I fell in love with a man who showed a desperate need for a playmate and companion.  Per his request I left my career to travel with him, revolving my life around him and visa versa.  Weather Report and Joni Mitchell accepted his request that I joined him on tours full time, I traveled with him in ’78, ’79, ’80, and ’81.  The twins were born in ’82.  As you  now know, at the onset of our relationship I traveled with Jaco for almost 4 years straight, he needed me around him 24/7, and I was willing, ready, and honored.

Right before the twins were born I stopped traveling with him, and I believe he lost a part of his stability and support system while on the road.

A) What would you advise young women seriously involved or married with a famous musician on how to deal with  this type of situation,  that could stimulate a lot of emotional insecurity, or even jealousy?

Focus on your own goals and passions, develop them, stay positive, and definitely work on becoming self confident, it’s the key…because then jealousy, which destroys, will fall to the wayside.  Then of course you also have to trust, him, but mostly yourself.

B) Jaco died but not really, he’s never really going to die.  How did that affect you and your sons when his physical presence was no longer there but because of who he was,  you were constantly reminded of him?

It’s still a discovery of how my sons have been and are affected by it, in constant process.  For myself I simply accepted it as something that wasn’t going away, hence the only solution was to embrace it, can’t fight the power of nature.

C) Do you think it made it more difficult to mourn and let it go?

I believe rather than mourn we have decided to honor, which doesn’t allow for letting go, except within personal pain, for there it is imperative in order to stay healthy emotionally and physically.

D) Do you think your sons picked up music to walk in his footsteps, or to continue what he started or because they really love music for themselves?

Who knows, maybe even they don’t know, it truly has no bearing, as long as they are happy, are aware of their options, and are respected….clearly they love what they are doing, and happen to be monsters at it.

E) How did you deal with all that aspect of it?

The aspect of them being musicians?  Probably was more of a catalyst by making it available and giving the opportunities, simply by having the instruments around the house at all times, which gave them the opportunity to be completely self taught.  I personally thoroughly enjoy the process and support their ambitions

E) You’ve also kept your ex-husband’s memory very much alive.  I imagine you’re doing it for your sons, but does that comfort you in anyway?  Why are you really doing it?

Feels right, natural, and why not, it’s simple, love!  There is much to offer, and he is deserving in my opinion, plus it was for our sons, rather than sweeping it under the rug….wouldn’t be surprising it has helped to comfort and bring peace.

F) Would you advise women who have lost their famous husband to stay so involved in the sense keeping his fan club alive etc.?

No, not at all, to each their own, it is about the constitution of the woman, and her sense of commitment, for it isn’t an easy road at all, people can be very intrusive and callous.  I do admire women like Anita Evans and Sue Mingus.

I love my life as is, independent, with many close friends and family, I don’t feel lonely nor alone, nor needy, for me the glass is always half full, love what I do, feel much loved, am active, make effort to have a bounce in my step, and in love with life and its surroundings.  Yes, I am as happy as I know how to be, grateful for what I have, and have little need for anything else.  My heart is content.

G) What do you envision for the future, your future?

Continue to teach and learn, as well as develop my involvement with the effort of keeping Jazz Alive in Schools, introducing young minds to Jazz, and provide students of music with a safe place and venues to express themselves.  For the past 10 years I have held a yearly Jaco Birthday Party event, which often has musicians of all ages take part, including friends of Jaco’s, our sons and their bands, and other young musicians.

I recently joined forces with Bob Barboza from Kids Talk Radio (, and am super excited over the upcoming projects in the works.

Ingrid, I want to thank you sincerely for your honesty and the wisdom of your advice.  It has been a pleasure doing this with you and hopefully we’ll do it again sometime!

TO THE READER:  What part of Ingrid’s comments can you relate to most and in what way?

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Filed in: Health • Tuesday, October 27th, 2009



It was indeed an interesting perspective to hear from the partner of such an iconic figure as was your husband. Funny thing is how many people don’t realize just how much a melding process is marriage; no doubt, when we listened to Jaco, we were also hearing you…

Peace & Strength,
Tony B.

By Sébastien Tremblay on October 31st, 2009 at 10:49 am

Ingrid looks like a beautifull person,that as no time to waste,on any problem that can nourrish guilt,pain or negative thoughts !!She seems to always find a way,only for solutions and extensive positive thinkings !!That i love,share and relate to,big time !! I definatly think that Ingrid’s judicious responses,gives a good example of life philosophies to be shared with and meaningfull !! 😉
Peace y’all!! Ciao !!!


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My name is Michele Andree. I am an artist, I paint musicians in action. I think I’m a musician at heart, my instrument being… a brush, so I play…brush and I paint… music.
I love jazz. I call it freedom music. It promotes special values. I love intelligent people and good conversations.

Some people ask me how music relates to art. Personally I find they go hand in hand. Music is what turns me on to painting. It makes me see colours