HEALTH AND WELLNESS TOPIC.30(2)
Among the many newsletters I subscribe to, one of them sent me a book I thought I’d share with you.
This little book is not about forced solitude or how to deal with it. It’s not about being lonely or running away from the world into a cave in the mountains. Rather, solitude is an exercise of nurturing your state of mind to achieve interior freedom.
Read on to discover the many advantages of solitude.
ENRICH YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
The benefits of solitude are many, yet society primes us to believe that interpersonal relationships are the answer to every problem. As psychologists point out, divorce and separation rates are on the rise because couples have to switch from office mode to romantic dinner without any breathing space in between. Does that sound familiar?
You need a break from your great love on a regular basis.
Allow her to do the things she wants. Let him spend time with his buddies and his hobbies without complaining. The tighter you hold on to each other, the more hemmed in you’ll both feel, which may even lead to resentment and raging outbursts.
You both need your own space to do the good things you desire, so you can put your relationship in perspective. They say that love is blind, but it’s crucial for you to be able to see your beloved objectively.
This means that you need to appreciate their positive qualities, but also be aware of their negative side.
Any marriage counselor will tell you that couples who are always together are the ones who end up having the most violent arguments. The arguments may just be a subconscious attempt to get some time alone.
So, if he has his breakfast alone once in a while, while you’re still in bed and vice versa, it’s absolutely all right. Or if you go jogging alone, that’s fine too. Both of you need time by yourselves, but not so much that your lover feels lonely and neglected, of course. Try to find the right balance between solitude and intimacy.
“But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it be rather a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”
-Kahlil Gibran.
CONTEMPLATE AND GROW SPIRITUALLY
Solitude provides us with the opportunity for contemplation and self-reflection – both of which are essential for achieving spiritual peace. The Buddha attained enlightenment after long and intense meditation on the challenges posed by the human condition. Jesus spent forty days alone in the wilderness, struggling with the tempting devil, before he felt ready to guide others.
In the Bible, we learn that Moses regularly left his family and companions to make time for communing with God. Just like your body, your spiritual self needs nurturing, too. Feed it with contemplation and prayer.
In solitude, you can see the being within you – the True Self – that is waiting patiently to manifest itself. Being alone will show you the clouds of doubt and negativity that obscure this self. You will discover the way to dissolve these clouds, and then your bright core will shine hrough.
“Unconsciousness creates the pain-body (the false-self); conciousness transmutes it into itself (The true Self). St-Paul expressed this universal principle beautifully: ‘Everything is shown up by being exposed to the light, and whatever is exposed to the light itself becomes light.”
-Eckhart Tolle.
TRANSFORM YOURSELF
Solitude is the tool you require to transform your bad habits and negative motions. Being alone helps you see yourself clearly, repent your mistakes, and usher in change.
-The process begins only when you can pinpoint your negative qualities and shortcomings.
-The next step is to think deeply about how you have affected others through your bad habits and unbridled emotions, causing them pain.
– The final step is to desire change and make an effort towards it. If you have a strict and loving spiritual mentor who is honest with you, you are fortunate, because he or she can help you see the things you need to change.
Transformation requires a change in mental attitude, which makes solitude indispensable.
When you’re constantly in the company of others, there’s pressure on you to conform. For instance, it’s extremely difficult for people to abstain from drinking and smoking when they are surrounded by friends who indulge in these activities. Or it might be your habit to sit in front of the television, drink in hand. Observing yourself objectively will help you become a better person to be around.
“Solitude is the furnace of transformation. Without solitude we remain victims of our society and continue to be entangled in the illusions of the false self.”
-Henry J.M. Nouwen, Out of Solitude.
TO BE CONTINUED NEXT WEEK…
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